Trying To Invoke Fred Rogers

When some people hear about my upbringing and some of the truly horrific things I went through, they are surprised that I am close to either of my parents but even more surprised that my Dad is the parent with whom I am closest.  

Yes, he did some brutal things to me during my childhood and teen years as I have written about. Yes, we had a contentious relationship as I was rising to adulthood and yes, I could be bitter and hold a grudge.

I don't hold a grudge.  I think you have to judge the person on who they are in the moment, right here, right now.  My dad is a different person now.  So is my mom.  One for the better and one for the worse.  

When I tell my wife and kids about how I was raised, they are in disbelief as they only know my dad as a big teddy bear. For the most part, that is who he is these days.  He still, on occasion, has a temper but distance and time make it a non-issue for me.  

I guess, I view it like this:  If we continue to punish people for what they did in their past, what incentive is there for people to change, to be better, to aspire to be kind or to look at the world in a different way?

This should apply to everyone, not just family.  I see the current political trend of people being forced out of politics for something they did 20, 30 years ago.  I certainly see people dressing in black-face, confederate uniforms, etc. as a bad thing but are we even asking ourselves who this person is now? Have they grown? Can they use their experience for good? Or are we just kicking them to the curb?

Sure, some of these people may not have grown at all and if their body of work in recent years sheds any doubt that they have changed, then I understand forcing them to step down. But if they have changed and it shows, I just don't think it is a good idea to banish them.  

Maybe I am wrong but it just seems to me that we are too quick to punish people for bad behavior that they are now ashamed of and that the current person they are would never do.  Maybe we just need to take pause and think before we react.