My Goddamned Cell Phone

I am out with my friends but miles away,
My favorite team is playing today.
Lucky for me, I've got my goddamned cell phone!

The family's dinner conversation is boring to me,
Maybe there's somewhere I'd rather be.
Hey! Lucky for me, I've got my goddamned cell phone.

I hiked Yosemite in all of her glory,
But does it matter if there's no Instagram Story?
Lucky for me, I've got my goddamned cell phone.

There's TikTok and Facebook and Snapchat and Reddit,
And millions of news sources who've lost all of their credit,
Fox claims Messiah;CNN claims Satan.

We're all so confused and this need contemplatin',
But contemplatin' is hard and I won't do it long,
because lucky for me, I've got my goddamned cell phone.

There's an email from work,
and a text from my Dad,
Oooh! a like from a picture of my dog looking mad,
I almost forgot the house full of people I had.
Because lucky for me, I've got my goddamned cell phone.

The planet is on fire and resources are dwindling,
The President is an expert in the art of swindling.
I wish someone would do something it all seems so pindling,

but outrage is dead as long as I've got my goddamned cell phone.