Chronic Pain

I deal with chronic pain. It affects every aspect of my life at this point.  I have had to give up my hobby of homebrewing for the most part.  Between not having the energy to brew or the ability to drink, it just seems a waste. My other hobbies revolved around food and drink as well and I have had to give them up too.  

I am up several times a night and that affects my ability to work, help kids with homework, help around the house which in turn becomes feelings of guilt and sadness.  My mood is foul most of the time due to the lack of sleep and the constant pushing back of pain.

The worst part is I just feel lonely in my pain. No one really understands the severity of it and I don't really expect them to but it doesn't change the feelings of loneliness I feel.  I rarely see or hear from my friends anymore. That is the one thing I didn't fully expect.

I tend to just zone out in front of video games these days. It is the closest thing to human interaction I get besides my family. The girls are growing older and don't need me as much. My wife is busy picking up my slack(another source of my stress). So, I just camp out in front of the TV and play my games. Nothing of worth in the game or the player.

I feel invisible to some, a nuisance to others - like an annoying ghost haunting those that have to endure me.