Ramblings in C minor

I don't know if my girls will ever know their significance in my life.  I am not the best at expressing it.  They'll never know the nights I stayed awake in tears - fearful I had made a wrong decision in raising them. That something I

Family and Solitude

In my family, more often in men than the women, there is a need for solitude.  At 53, I am just starting to see the trend and examine it. I think I first noticed it with my oldest cousin. When family would gather, he almost never came - even as

mindful

Integrative Relationships

I have turned to growing my meditation practice during the pandemic.  This has been good for me but it has also shined a light into a few dark places for me.  I began to ponder how connected I am to the world.  On the surface, I feel pretty connected.  As

writing

rage

rage isn't a feeling. it's not an awakening. it is a tiredness. it is a longing to feel reaching it's zenith. i've been down for too long. up seems so far away and i've been so tussled about that i

writing

Give Me A Hero

Hero worship for the weak, Hanging on the words they speak, Perfect in every way, Excuse all the flaws away. The truth is what they tell me, Willful gift of fealty, Objective truth unwanted, Our love remains undaunted. I know where you sleep at night, I know how you think.

fiction

It’s coming

We steadily trade our civility for dopamine hits. A tipping point is coming the way it sits. Reduced down to sides Controlled by rich men The sheep are divided As their herd is thinned Over evolved Under educated Destroying ourselves To feel satiated Backward we move led by our glutton

fiction

My Goddamned Cell Phone

I am out with my friends but miles away, My favorite team is playing today. Lucky for me, I've got my goddamned cell phone! The family's dinner conversation is boring to me, Maybe there's somewhere I'd rather be. Hey! Lucky for me,

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writing

Him

writing

Who When What

It was me in the morning making some chartreuse guttural sound in the daylight feeding that hungry hound in the evening fighting urges not to hang around It was you in the morning greeting ribbons of the sun in the daylight telling me my thoughts on life are overdone in

homebrew

Mo' Grapefruit Smash Summer Ale

I got around to firing up the brew system and cranking out my experimental hops(Grapefruit) Single Malt and Single Hop(SMaSH) beer on Saturday.  It was an easy brew day.  I did end up with lower gravity than I had expected. I believe the recipe crafter I used did

writing

Every Star Is A Setting Sun

We often take for granted what is important to someone.  Often times, what someone else finds important, we barely notice. It isn't on our radar and it isn't important to us. We will talk about how stupid it is that Jerry is into 4PM dinner with

writing

Trying To Invoke Fred Rogers

When some people hear about my upbringing and some of the truly horrific things I went through, they are surprised that I am close to either of my parents but even more surprised that my Dad is the parent with whom I am closest. Yes, he did some brutal things

homebrewing

Homebrew again?

I miss homebrewing beer.  I was good at it.  I got to make something that made people happy.  That small thing, in turn, made me happy. I have ADD and homebrewing was my hyper-focus.  It is one of the few things I could stay focused on for any length of

writing

I Hate Smartphones

There, I said it. When smartphones first came out, I could barely contain the excitement and anticipation of getting one.  A computer in my pocket? Are you kidding me?  This was a dream!  Sign me up and do it NOW! I would even say that the first few years with

writing

Chronic Pain

I deal with chronic pain. It affects every aspect of my life at this point.  I have had to give up my hobby of homebrewing for the most part.  Between not having the energy to brew or the ability to drink, it just seems a waste. My other hobbies revolved

writing

Once Upon a Time

Once Many times throughout my life, I thought I would end up a writer.  That never really happened as I never really pursued it.  I was good at it but not very disciplined.  I really only wanted to write what I wanted to write and that is not how you

tech

Tech Tinkering

I like to tinker with technology.  I don't get to do it as much as I used to.  Working in IT just makes me weary to sit down at a computer again once I get home. The main thing I have tinkered with lately are Raspberry Pi Zero

kayaking

Delta 12 AR

I decided to pick up a new boat.  I have been saving for this boat for several months and had a few financial setbacks but this is her, my new Delta 12 AR.  I have managed to get her out on the lake once so far and she paddles very

homebrewing

Let's Go Cidering

I have been avoiding alcohol due to some health issues and haven't brewed in a year. So, my 2 taps on my kegerator were looking a little sad and lonely.  I decided to do a minimal effort project and make a cheap, easy, cider. So, I picked up

opinions

Gratitude

* I rarely begin a morning without my wife there to share coffee with me, listen to me ramble on about what I have read in the news that morning and kissing me goodbye. * I have 2 wonderful daughters that each bring something uniquely special to my life. * My wife is

kayaking

Back in the Kayak Again

After 8 years of not kayaking, I am in a place where I can get out again.  I have purchased my boat and gear and am excited to be back out there.  Right now, I am paddling near home in the lakes and streams just trying to get my chops